Why I stopped posting

     As you noticed I stopped posting updates about the surrogacy. Hyperemisis returned and I had a hard time mentally being able to post and stay positive.

     I did not tell anyone but I struggled with Prenatal Depression. Being so sick was very hard on me and my whole family. I felt as I was a failure. I signed up for the surrogacy, and I was having a very hard time even being able to be a mother to my two beautiful little girls.

     I cried a lot and resented the beautiful little boy I was growing. Therapy was so critical to me being able to finally being able to be in a good place at the delivery. (I will post my birth story on another post dont worry)

     I promise to post and update anyone who has been following on how the surrogacy finished!

32 week update

    Not much has been happening around here. I have had a few bad feeling sick days but I seem to be over them. It is hard to tell if it is Hyperemesis or a cold that caused me to feel sick but I am doing a bit better other than the occasional nausea (kinda my new normal)

    I should also let you know I am a little behind on posting these so I am actually 33 weeks now but this is the recap of 32 weeks.

How far along? 32 weeks

Total weight gain/loss? Still 9lbs down. Finally gaining a bit of weight back (seems to be all tummy) but I think my arms are still shrinking (no complaints here)

Maternity clothes? Yes. and starting to get sick of them.I think I am going to pick up a few new things to get me through the next month and a half.

Stretch marks? Still just the one little one on the side of my belly. I have been lotioning up my belly like a crazy person though, I have bottles of lotion just about everywhere throughout our apartment so I don't forget to put it on.

Sleep? I seem to be sleeping like a rock lately. I just fall asleep and only wake up to empty my bladder.

Best moment this week? We got an eviction date for this little one! I will be induced either May 18th or 20th if he doesn't make his appearance sooner.

Miss Anything? I am missing being able to get out of bed normally and being able to get off the floor by myself. I made the mistake of sitting on the floor and my husband may have muttered the words "I've fallen and I can't get up".

Movement? It is starting to go from crazy kicks to feeling like an alien is just moving around in there. He has gotten the hiccups a few times though.

Food cravings? Fruit and Avocado! I also would kill for some cotton candy (it is fine in moderation right?)

Anything making you queasy or sick? Smell of coffee, tacos, dairy, anything spicy, fast food, Ginger, Saltine crackers (ironic right?) chocolate.  I will just stop there because I could probably add 100 more things to this list.

Have you started to show yet? Well yes, I am now getting asked about the pregnancy and even got the first dreaded stranger belly touch... Don't worry I started to rub her belly too and she stopped lol!

Gender? Boy!

Labor Signs? Nope very inconsistent Braxton Hicks but nothing to worry about.

Belly Button in or out? In but getting pretty shallow...

Wedding rings on or off? On and still too big.My engagement ring actually fell off and I couldn't find it for a few days. Luckily Emma found it, she still wont tell me where though.

Happy or Moody most of the time? I would say mostly Happy with a lot of weepy. I cry over EVERYTHING. Yay hormones...

Looking forward to? Seeing S&J meet there little one!

30 week update

     I have not updated in awhile. I have been sick on and off, mostly off but when it is on, it is tough. I for sure have a belly now. So the is this one a boy comments have been happening a lot when I am out with my two daughters. 

     I have come up with a good response though, "Yes, but he isn't mine".  The responses from hearing about surrogacy have mostly been good but also a lot of shock. Most people only know of surrogacy from the crazy news stories or lifetime movies. I should tell you if you actually want to know about surrogacy those are not the places to learn about it. 

     Yes the reason there is so much green in that picture is it was a St.Patricks day picture. I have a belly that has finally "popped" as some people will say. I went from getting comments about how tiny I was and there was no way I was due in may to "you are due any day right?" comments. what is it about people commenting on a pregnant woman's size. It seems like I am always too big or too small in someone's opinion. Baby is growing perfectly so that is all what matters! 

How far along? 30 weeks
Total weight gain/loss? Still 10lbs down. But that is a pretty good gain from my lowest point
Maternity clothes? Yes. and starting to get sick of them.
Stretch marks? Yes. I have one little tiny one, I didn't think I would be able to get more my stomach is like a crazy road map BUT I ended up with one off to the side of all the others. 
Sleep? Not the best. It’s hard to get comfortable but my snoogle is helping . Also having to wake up and pee 3-4 times a night is no fun. And the heartburn this baby is going to have so much hair.
Best moment this week? Just watching my girls play, We have had some great weather so we have been trying to spend more time outside. 
Miss Anything? Sitting on the floor (I would never be able to get back up), margaritas (I am not a big drinker at all but I have had this craving for months obviously wont have one though).Movement? Yes. I swear he is doing flips in there. Food cravings? I have been wanting my dads potato soup, and fruit. Anything making you queasy or sick? What doesn't/Have you started to show yet? Safe to say yes.Gender? Boy!Labor Signs? Nope, (TMI) I did loose my mucous plug, but it can "grow" back so not really a sign of labor. Belly Button in or out? inWedding rings on or off? On and still too big.Happy or Moody most of the time? Moody, I cry over everything! Looking forward to? It is spring break so I get to spend lots of time with both my girls this week! 

22 week update

     I am still slowly getting better! This week I was even able to go out to lunch with a friend, it satisfied a craving I have been having for over a month! Cheesecake Factory ranch why do you taste so good? 

     My belly has very much popped I am in maternity pants (or yoga pants and leggings) 100% of the time. I can still wear some of my pre pregnancy shirts but I am being careful to make sure I don't strech them out. Also 90% of the time I just wear a maternity shirt. I am however having a hard time finding maternity tank tops I like so if you have any suggestions let me know! 

     Little belly buddy is so active he moves around constantly and is he is not happy with how I am sitting or laying he makes sure to let me know! He has been passing every single kick count with flying colors! We haven't even got to 30 minutes while waiting for kicks! 

     

      You see that^^^ my belly is finally growing and growing! My husband told me the other day wow you actually look pregnant. I am excited to finally have a noticeable belly! On the other hand I did have my first stranger touching the belly experience. Don't get in my bubble without asking. Chances all I won't tell you not to touch, just give me the chance to decide if you are creepy or not lol! 

      The parents are in the middle of doing all their paper work so they can bring this little boy home with them! So much legal aspects when it comes to surrogacy. They are also starting to set the coming for the birth plans! It is a little crazy to think that this little one is over half way done cooking. We are also almost at viability! 

21 weeks and counting...

     So now I am in my 21st week of pregnancy and that means the start of my 6th month. Time is just flying by. 

     This little one is growing and kicking every single day! He seems to be having a dance party everytime I try to go to bed. 

     I am still having bad days, in fact I spent most of yesterday in bed and got 100% of nothing done. But most days I am ok. Still dealing with nausea but it slowly getting better. 

     I am tired all the time. Feeling a bit left out of the 2nd trimester boost of energy. I have been taking advantage of Emma still taking naps and have been joining in on nap time. 

     I had to go out and get new maternity clothes all of the pants I bought in the beginning are swimming on me now. But it feels amazing to have pants that fit again. Plus I don't have to do the hair tie trick anymore so that is a plus. 

     No new stretch marks but to be honest I don't think there is room for any new ones lol.   

     

     I do have a little bit of a belly now. At 21 (almost 22) weeks I am still in the is she pregnant or is she fat stage. I have to admit I am so looking forward to having the big belly! Not so much strangers touching my belly though. 

      Have you ever had strangers touch your belly? I had a lady try to lift up my shirt in the middle of the store once.

Half way done!

     Here is the 20 week update! The last week has been pretty exciting finding out that belly buddy is a boy! So I finally get to carry a boy! With this being my last pregnancy it was kinda interesting to see how different carrying a boy is.

     We are officially 20 weeks pregnant! Time has gone so slow but flown by so fast. I can hardly believe that in just 20 or so weeks S&J will be welcoming their baby boy into this world. 

     Finally I am have a little bit of a belly! I may or may not be helping my belly look a little bigger by taking this picture after dinner... 

It's a....

     This baby is a feisty one! Belly Buddy didn't want to show us what we needed to see so I got to flip every sort of way, and belly buddy even flipped us off before we got all the pictures we needed.

     After an hour of flipping this side to that side we got all the angles we needed AND we found out.... 

     Yep S&J are going to have a baby boy! 

     Congrats S&J I can not wait until you get to meet your little boy!!!

19 week update!

     So 19 weeks so far as been full of ups and downs, I still have really bad days but I am starting to have more good days then bad ones. 

     Yep little belly buddy is growing right along! I swear the fruit comparisons shock me every week, the little mango sized baby inside me love to move! I feel him/her moving inside me every single day. 

     I have to admit that feeling belly buddy move is a lot different than when I was pregnant with my own. When my girls were in my belly, I would get excited over every little kick. With belly buddy it is just a reassurance this little one is doing ok. 

     Yep I still only have a tiny little bump, and in the right outfit you can't even tell. I just can not wait for the bump to finally make its appearance! The big belly is one of my favorite things about pregnancy! 

     Tomorrow is the big 20 week ultrasound! (At 19w3d), it will be nice to get reassurance that belly buddy is growing how he/she should. And the parents are very excited to find out if their little one is a boy or girl! 

     What do you think belly buddy is going to be? A girl? A boy? 

     

     I would share what I think belly buddy is but to be honest I keep having dreams it is a fish... Yeah I know odd right? 

18 weeks!

     So we are at 18 weeks! That is the beginning of the 5th month! Oh how time has flown! 

     Belly buddy is now the size of a sweet potato! It is just crazy to me how fast this little one is growing! 

     I am also already feeling movements! When I drink cold apple juice the little one just goes crazy kicking away! 

     I am still sick but slowly getting better! I the medications are working again for the most part and I haven't had to go in and get fluids in almost a week! I am still not feeling back to normal but it is just amazing to slowly be getting back to normal! 

     I still only have a tiny belly but belly buddy is starting to show that he/she is in there! 

     Next week I have the "big" ultrasound! S&J are so excited to find out if they will be having a little girl or boy! I still have no idea I have no feeling either way. As I have told many friends and family I keep dreaming belly buddy is a fish... 

      I went from maternity pants to regular jeans (med bloat was mean) to know my jeans are getting tight in the stomach but I am just swimming in my maternity jeans. 

      I have started making sure to use LOTS and lots of lotion in my tummy but wanted to know what lotion www best for you? I want something thicker than what I am using right now. 

16 week "Bumpdate"

     So I don't have much of a "Bump" these days. I am still sick and having a hard time eating as much as I should but I really am working on it!

     I do have a doctors appointment today so I will try to update after the appointment with what their plan is now! But depending on what they decide it might take me a bit longer to update than I would like.

   

     The IPs baby (AKA Belly buddy) is now the size of an Avocado! I have actually been eating a lot of avocado when ever I find some good ones in the store I grab them all! Having to try to get down good fats has been a nice excuse to eat them as they are one of my favorite foods!

     Now for what you actually clicked on the page for! here is my "bump" or lack there of... 

     Yes I know I have lost a LOT of weight and I am working on trying to gain some back. Hopefully I will be feeling better sooner than later... 

Lack of updates

I admit I have been a terrible blogger and I feel bad because there are so many of you amazing people following along with this pregnancy. 

As most of you know I have been pretty sick. I was actually diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum. So to say it has been a rough time has been a understatement. 

Even with my anti nausea medication it has been hard to find foods that I can keep down. And it seems as if as soon as I get a few my body completely changes and I get to start all over again. 

So while I have not been blogging I have been trying to take care of myself and little belly buddy (who is now actually the size of a orange...) 

I will also leave this post with my newest bumpdate! As you can tell in the picture yes I have lost a lot weight (28lbs now) but so far. But belly buddy has had a perfect heartbeat and all ultrasounds he/she has been on track for growth. I 

Thank you for reading my blog still I apologize for being a terrible blogger bit I am hoping once I feel better it will be easier!

13 week update!

How far along are you? 13 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Loss of 19lbs that means I have actually gained a pound though!

Sleep: I am so very tired, BUT I swear I can not sleep good for the life of me.

Best moment this week: I am officially in my 2nd trimester! Just 189 days until my due date!

Have you told family and friends: Yes

Food cravings: Toffee Almond crunch cookies, Salads with ranch (craving one right now)

Anything making you queasy or sick: I am slowly feeling better, Still can not do Peanut butter or most dairy but I am slowly starting to be able to eat again!

Have you started to show yet: Well because my med bloat is gone I am officially not showing again... In fact I am actually looking a good bit smaller than before I was pregnant.

Gender prediction: I am unsure. Thinking belly buddy might be a girl but I have never carried a boy either.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on! and still loose.

Happy or Moody most of the time: This week very moody. I have gotten annoyed or angry at a lot of different things, and have been very vocal about my feelings.

Weekly Wisdom: I need to relax! Easier said than done right? But before every appointment I have I get so nervous and scared that something could be wrong. But belly buddy has been doing exactly what it needs to be doing is and growing so quickly!

Milestones: 13 weeks means we are officially in the 2nd trimester! WOW the first one went by quick...

Maternity clothes? Maternity clothes and lazy clothes if I don't have to change out of my leggings or yoga pants now way am I going to be wearing anything else.

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Movement: Not yet. BUT I should be feeling that in the next 1-3 weeks! Come on Belly buddy I want to feel you!

 Labor Signs: Thank goodness this is a big fat NO!

Belly Button in or out? In, very very in.

Bumpdate! and Doctors appointment.

     So Yesterday I had a doctors appointment it was just a regular check up, to make sure that everything is still going ok.

     They did all the normal stuff. Checking weight, Blood pressure, Measuring the belly, going over what is going on. BUT we also got an ultrasound! We got a little peak into what Belly buddy looks at 12 weeks 4 days!

     This little buddy was moving around like crazy and liked making it hard for the doctor to get the measurements that he needed. He or she is already being stubborn S+J looks like you too might have your hands full with this little one! 

     Now for the bump date. For those of you that have seen me I know my stomach probably looks smaller than last time you saw me BUT that is because I was FINALLY able to stop the shots and 90% of the medication I was taking (still on my prescription prenatal and Zofran). The medications I was on cause what we call Med Bloat. Well now that is all gone so it is just my fluffy self and Belly buddy in that belly! 

     So we are past the 12 week mark! As of next week I am officially in the 2nd trimester! Lets just hope that belly buddy gets that memo and gives me a break on all this nausea! 

12 week update

     So I know that I have been terrible at doing my weekly updates but I am going to try to get back on track, My plans are to post a weekly update on Sunday or Monday and a bump update probably around Thursdayish... Ok I will post them on Thursday. 

How far along are you? 12 weeks 1 day!

Total weight gain/loss: I now down 20 pounds... But I am FINALLY able to eat again so that loss should be slowly hopefully become smaller.

Sleep: I am ALWAYS tired. And I now sleep as much as possible. I am in bed by 9 most nights and feel like a old lady with how early I go to bed. 

Best moment this week: I am officially to 12 weeks pregnant! Out of the scary zone! I have an appointment on thursday and can not wait to see my little Belly Buddy again! 

Have you told family and friends: Yes

Food cravings: Mashed Potatoes, Ceasar Salad, and Arby's anything from Arby's must get in my stomach.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Yes any random smell, funny enough the taste of my anti nausea medication, and peanut butter is back on this list. 

Have you started to show yet: I can still hide it with the right shirt but I am showing now! 

Gender prediction: I am thinking it is a girl just because that is all I have ever carried.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on! 

Happy or Moody most of the time: I think I am happy a lot more! I am still very emotional but getting a bit better!

Weekly Wisdom: Take advantage of the good days and binge watch Gilmore girls, and do noting on the days that you can hardly get through the day.

Milestones: We are 12 weeks pregnant AND FINALLY out of the "Danger Zone"

Maternity clothes? I went maternity clothes shopping, and gosh these clothes are so much more confy. I am also taking advantage of leggings and Yoga pants as much as possible. 

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Movement: Nothing I can feel yet, But I think I that will happen in the next month or so!

 Labor Signs: Noooo. Wayyy too early!

Belly Button in or out? In, very very in.

9 week update!

How far along are you? 9 weeks and 1 day!

Total weight gain/loss: I now down 15 pounds... Shoot how did happen I have actually been able to eat again....

Sleep: I am ALWAYS tired. Other than when it is time to sleep, then I am wide awake.

Best moment this week: I got to celebrate a friends birthday but I found out I can't deal with drunk people lol...

Have you told family and friends: Yes

Food cravings: Fruit, Salads, Pizza rolls, Mashed potatoes, and bagels with cream cheese.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still just about everything is making sick still but I am starting to feel a bit better.

Have you started to show yet: I think it is safe to say I am showing.... (even if it might just be Med bloat)

Gender prediction: I am thinking it is a girl just because that is all I have ever carried.

Wedding rings on or off? On and getting looser

Happy or Moody most of the time: MOODY, but mostly weepy I cry all the time at everything.

Weekly Wisdom: Bars are not as fun when you are the sober one...

Milestones: 9 weeks We have our second Ultrasound on Friday so keep a eye out for a update Friday or Saturday!

Maternity clothes? I am using the few left over things I have from the girls pregnancies and go shopping this week because I need clothes that fit!

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Movement: Nothing I can feel yet - way too early.

 Labor Signs: Noooo. Wayyy too early!

Belly Button in or out? In, very very in.

8 week update

My belly buddy is over half a inch big now!

It is just crazy how fast that little one is growing! 

How far along are you? 8 weeks today!

Total weight gain/loss: I am still down 12 pounds, no change from last week.

Sleep: I am ALWAYS tired. Other than when it is time to sleep, then I am wide awake.

Best moment this week: I went a whole day without puking this week.

Have you told family and friends: Yes if someone doesn't know they have been living under a rock.

Food cravings: Fruit, garlic bread, Olive Garden salad, Strawberry Lemonade Powerade.

Anything making you queasy or sick: What doesn't make me feel sick... Pickles, The smell of any and all mexican food, anything sweet, even seeing raw meat, chicken, pasta, cheese, milk, well anything dairy.

Have you started to show yet: I look like I ate a big lunch.

Gender prediction: I am thinking it is a girl just because that is all I have ever carried.

Wedding rings on or off? On and getting loose.

Happy or Moody most of the time: MOODY, but mostly weepy I cry all the time at everything.

Weekly Wisdom: Not even Zofran works all the time.

Milestones: 8 weeks! Only 4 more weeks until we are out of the first trimester.

Maternity clothes? I am using a Belly band and just wearing my longer shirts. I did break out one pair of maternity Jeans though.

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Movement: Nothing I can feel yet - way too early.

 Labor Signs: Noooo. Wayyy too early!

Belly Button in or out? In, very very in.

7 weeks Pregnant!

My Belly Buddy is the size of a Blueberry! 

He or She is finally half an inch long! 

How far along are you? 7 weeks today!

Total weight gain/loss: I am down 12 lbs now thanks to my lovely friend morning sickness. Yes I am on Zofran but it just makes me not throw up, it doesn't make me feel better I am still having a hard time stomaching food.

Sleep: I am ALWAYS tired. I oversleep, I take a nap at any chance I get.

Best moment this week: Going to the ultrasound and seeing a baby and a heartbeat! It was amazing to actually see S+J's baby.

Have you told family and friends: Well I think it is pretty safe to say everyone knows by now...

Food cravings: Fruit, Milk (even though I can't keep it down), BBQ potato chips, and Ceasar salad, good chili, and pasta!

Anything making you queasy or sick: What doesn't make me feel sick... Pickles, The smell of any and all mexican food, anything sweet, even seeing raw meat

Have you started to show yet: I am in the my clothes don't fit and I look like I had a really big lunch phase, I am using a belly band and the "Hair tie trick".

Gender prediction: I am thinking it is a girl just because that is all I have ever carried. In all honest I have clue...

Wedding rings on or off? On and getting loose.

Happy or Moody most of the time: MOODY! But working on trying to be happy.

Weekly Wisdom: No matter how well you think you are feeling and how much it sounds good, DON'T DRINK MILK.

Milestones: We are at 7 weeks, and we officially know it is one baby! Yay for first ultrasound.

Maternity clothes? I am using a Belly band and just wearing my longer shirts. I did break out one pair of maternity Jeans though.

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Movement: Nothing I can feel yet - way too early.

 Labor Signs: Noooo. Wayyy too early!

Belly Button in or out? In, very very in.


     If there is anything you think I should add to this little questionnaire just comment and let me know! I am more than happy to add more questions if you want to know anything else!

The stressful side of surrogacy

     I have posted a lot about excitement and nerves, but I have not posted about the stress of surrogacy, and trust me there is a lot of stress to go around.

     While I do not regret doing this for a second I also did not know how much stress I would put on myself. Stress for each doctors appointment hoping my levels are right, or my lining is thick enough, then stress of something that I could do might mess up the transfer, the worrying about if my beta (hcg) numbers were high enough.

     Then there was the ultrasound. I know the parents wanted two babies. How could they not? So I was hoping and praying and wishing that there would be two in there. I convinced myself that there had to be two. Then there was one.

     Don't get me wrong I am so excited that there is a healthy baby with a healthy heartbeat growing inside of me for the parents. I am ecstatic for them.

     But in a way I feel like failed them. I feel like I let them down by only one of the embryos sticking.

     Everything was textbook, I did everything exactly by doctors orders never missing a pill or a shot. Yet I am sitting here wondering if there was anything I could have done differently.

     The funny thing is I never once stressed so much in either of my pregnancies. I just know that so much is riding on this being a healthy baby, and I want to make sure that they get a perfect healthy child.

     I know calm down you shouldn't be stressing while you are pregnant and I am working on that I have been working on relaxation techniques and have even been doing some progressive relaxation and guided imagery (when I can get the apartment quiet enough to do it).

    Surrogacy is a bit harder than I thought it would be. I never never been this sick in my life. I am so tired of having to give myself shots. But I just keep telling myself it is all for J&S. The look on their face when they first see their baby, and helping them become a family is my end goal!

Ultrasound has happened!

Today we got to make the drive up to ORM again. It is Ultrasound day! 

    What does Ultrasound day mean at 6 weeks 4 days pregnant? Well we get to see if it is one or two. We get to hear the heartbeat, and do measurements to make sure that all the dates are lining up.
 

I know that you don't care about the writing so here are some pictures

Yep that is one little baby! 

Meet my little Belly buddy for 34 more weeks!

Heart beat was 127! That is a great heartbeat and we are very happy with the results!

     I know that a lot of you will be shocked that it wasn't twins BUT as long as there is a healthy baby everyone is happy! 

6 weeks Pregnant!

How far along? 6 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: I am down 10 lbs thanks to my lovely friend morning sickness. 
Sleep: I am ALWAYS tired. 
Best moment this week: On Sunday I went all day without getting sick!
Have you told family and friends: Yes, I have let everyone know exactly what has been happening as it happens 
Food cravings: Salads (chicken Cesar), cheeseburgers, BBQ chicken, Mashed potatoes.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Sweets, Pickles, Rice, Red meat (other than hamburgers), Coffee, and so many more things.  
Have you started to show yet: I am in the my clothes don't fit and I look like I had a really big lunch phase
Gender prediction: I am thinking One girl and One boy (Yes I have a feeling both Embryos stuck)
Wedding rings on or off? On and still loose.
Happy or Moody most of the time: MOODY!
Weekly Wisdom: Eat what ever you can keep down, and just be happy you kept something down. 
Milestones: On thursday we have an Ultrasound! 

Maternity clothes? I am using a Belly band and just wearing my longer shirts. 

Stretch marks? No new ones. 

Movement: Nothing I can feel yet - way too early.

 Labor Signs: Noooo. Wayyy too early!

Belly Button in or out? In.

I am sorry for the white background I cant figure out how to make it go away...