Saturday, October 4, 2014

The stressful side of surrogacy

     I have posted a lot about excitement and nerves, but I have not posted about the stress of surrogacy, and trust me there is a lot of stress to go around.

     While I do not regret doing this for a second I also did not know how much stress I would put on myself. Stress for each doctors appointment hoping my levels are right, or my lining is thick enough, then stress of something that I could do might mess up the transfer, the worrying about if my beta (hcg) numbers were high enough.

     Then there was the ultrasound. I know the parents wanted two babies. How could they not? So I was hoping and praying and wishing that there would be two in there. I convinced myself that there had to be two. Then there was one.

     Don't get me wrong I am so excited that there is a healthy baby with a healthy heartbeat growing inside of me for the parents. I am ecstatic for them.

     But in a way I feel like failed them. I feel like I let them down by only one of the embryos sticking.

     Everything was textbook, I did everything exactly by doctors orders never missing a pill or a shot. Yet I am sitting here wondering if there was anything I could have done differently.

     The funny thing is I never once stressed so much in either of my pregnancies. I just know that so much is riding on this being a healthy baby, and I want to make sure that they get a perfect healthy child.

     I know calm down you shouldn't be stressing while you are pregnant and I am working on that I have been working on relaxation techniques and have even been doing some progressive relaxation and guided imagery (when I can get the apartment quiet enough to do it).

    Surrogacy is a bit harder than I thought it would be. I never never been this sick in my life. I am so tired of having to give myself shots. But I just keep telling myself it is all for J&S. The look on their face when they first see their baby, and helping them become a family is my end goal!


  1. Stay strong, you're doing a wonderful thing and you're handling it beautifully!

  2. Keep being amazing! Before you know it the shots will be over! Hopefully the sickness will pass soon, also! You're such an inspiration! :)